Author: MJT
Parenting A Baby:
Doing What Comes Naturally
You have a new baby, and you’re a little overwhelmed by it
all. She is so helpless and so dependent
on you but you don’t know if you’re up to the job. It’s such a big important job, and you are
unprepared for it, so you don’t know how to go about parenting a baby.
Over the next six months or so, your baby has two very
important jobs. Her success in
accomplishing will affect her for the rest of her life and her success depends
on you.
Attachment
In the first few months of life, the baby bonds with her
parents, especially Mom. This bonding is
essential for her to successfully negotiate relationships later in life. People
who don’t learn how to bond in these early months have a hard time learning it
later. In adulthood they may be
attachment avoidant or attachment anxious.
Attachment avoidant people have difficulty forming close
relationships. They can’t let people in
and are afraid of exposing themselves.
They are afraid of getting hurt, so they push people away and avoid
relationships.
Attachment anxious individuals also have trouble forming
close relationships, but they are afraid of being rejected. Instead of pushing people away, they cling to
them or manipulate them. Co-dependent
people are often attachment anxious.
When you are parenting a baby, you help her bond with
you. How do you do it? Hold her, nurse her, and look at her, babble
to her. Pick her up and comfort her when
she cries. For most people, parenting a
baby like this is what comes naturally, but some mommies have to be intentional
about it. Just use all your senses to
connect with your baby as much as you can.
Look at her, listen to her, smell her and touch her. Okay, you don’t have to taste her. Mommy time—and Daddy time—is what your baby
needs from you in order to form secure attachments.
Trust
Along with attachment, babies learn to trust in the first
few months. Think about it. Your baby was in a snug, warm environment
where everything was provided for him, and then he was forced out of it into a
bright, harsh, cold world and he suddenly experiences things like hunger and
discomfort. Wouldn’t you feel a little
distrustful, too?
Your baby learns to trust as you meet his needs. He gets hungry and cries and you feed him,
and he learns to trust that the world is a good place and his needs will be
met. His diaper is uncomfortable and he
cries and you change him, and he learns a little more trust. These trust moments happen hundreds of times
in the first few months, and you are parenting a baby when you meet his needs
in most of these moments.
If, however, he is left to cry when he’s hungry or
uncomfortable, he’ll learn that the world is a dangerous place and that he
can’t trust anybody.
This, too, will affect him for the rest of his life. He must learn to trust in order to develop
intimate relationships. He has to be
able to trust to take risks or to learn new things.
Babies learn attachment and trust literally at their
mother’s breast. Fortunately, they learn
when you do what you do best: feed your baby and take care of him, love her and
enjoy her. And you will do a great
job. You’re a natural at parenting a
baby. You’re a mommy.
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