Author: MJT
The Prejudice Against Christian Parenting
A few popular but misguided Christian parenting programs
have caused quite a controversy. It’s
caused people to be skeptical of Christian parenting in general; in fact, many
people believe the term “Christian parenting” is synonymous with child abuse.
Spanking
At the center of much of the controversy is the issue of
spanking. “Christian parenting”
translates to “Spare the rod and spoil the child” (Proverbs 13:24) for many people. There are a lot of arguments for and against
spanking and even the experts, both Christian and secular, disagree about
whether to spank or not.
Many of us were raised in an era where spanking was not only
an accepted form of discipline, but parents were remiss if they didn’t give
their kids a spanking when they needed it. That is not true today as we more
aware of child abuse and more cautious of using any form of physical
punishment. The cultural standard has changed, too, and spanking is generally
frowned upon.
The spanking issue is volatile enough that some people who
do believe that spanking is an acceptable form of discipline are afraid that
they will be vilified and might even lose their children for spanking
them.
On the other side of the fence, those who strongly oppose
spanking feel that it leads to abuse and is, in fact, abuse because it’s
inappropriate for people to hit one another.
Saying that all Christian parenting encourages spanking is,
however, incorrect and uninformed, and prejudiced. Some Christian parenting programs do
encourage spanking. So do some secular parenting
experts. But not all Christians spank their children as it’s a philosophical
disagreement, not a theological one.
Growing Kids God’s Way
Growing Kids God’s Way was introduced about ten years ago,
and was initially well accepted in the Christian community. Thousands of Christian parents went to
classes and enthusiastically followed the program, but it quickly became very
controversial. Most of the controversy
centers around three major teachings: infant feeding, servanthood and “first
time obedience.”
Infant feeding
This to begin teaching the child that he is not the center
of the world and that his needs will be met, but not necessarily when the child
wants them met. That contradicts what
most child experts teach and what most parents believe by instinct: that hungry babies need fed when they are
hungry.
Servanthood
Servanthood is taught by modeling that the relationship
between Mom and Dad takes priority over the children in all circumstances, and
that Dad is the head of the household. Dinner
is served to Dad first, and his needs and desires are most important. This creates a family hierarchy that places
the children at the bottom.
First time obedience
Children are to obey the first time a parent tells them to
do something. If they do not, they are
sinning. If the parent repeats the
request, he or she is sinning because he or she is reinforcing the child’s
sinful behavior.
People think of Growing Kids God’s Way as “that Christian
parenting program,” which makes them even more prejudiced against Christian
parenting. In truth, Growing Kids God’s
Way has fallen into disfavor in Christian circles for the same reasons it is
rejected by everybody else.
The prejudice against Christian parenting has caused people
to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Because of a few ill-advised Christian parenting programs, and because
Christian parents are stereotyped as harsh, spanking disciplinarians, Christian
parenting principles are rejected.
That’s unfortunate. Christian
parenting isn’t child abuse. It’s simply
parenting by Christians, who are looking for the same answers and guidance
everybody else is.
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