Author: MJT
Authoritative Parenting:
A Balanced Parenting Style
There are four styles of parenting: authoritarian, authoritative (sometimes
called egalitarian), permissive, and uninvolved. The uninvolved style is not so much a way of
parenting as it is a lack of parenting, and it’s hard on kids. Kids with an uninvolved parent often struggle
with feelings of rejection, lack of self-esteem, and trust issues.
Authoritarian, authoritative and permissive parenting styles
describe a range of styles, with authoritarian parenting on one end, permissive
parenting on the other, and authoritative parenting in the middle. Authoritarian parents tend to be high in
structure and low in responsiveness, and permissive parents tend to be low in
structure and high in responsiveness. Although these are just styles—different
ways of parenting—and you can’t make value judgments between them,
authoritative parenting is the most balanced style.
Structure
Structure is important in authoritative parenting. Rules and limits are clear, and the children
know what consequences to expect for infractions. Routines, schedules and traditions help
provide a sense of stability and make the children feel secure. For example, a school-aged child knows when
bedtime is, and what will happen if he stalls and delays as a teen knows when
curfew is, and what will happen if she is late.
Responsiveness
Authoritative parents are responsive to their children. Children have a voice and their input is
valued and listened to, so mom and dad respond to their needs and problems, and
are sensitive to their emotional status. There is flexibility in authoritative
parenting that allows the parents to bend the rules on occasion. The
school-aged child may be allowed to stay up late to watch a special TV program,
or the teen may be forgiven for being late (once) when she was riding with a
friend who wouldn’t leave on time.
Decision-making
In authoritative parenting, decisions are made
collaboratively. Children have
choices—up to a point. Parents listen to
their input, but the final decision rests with the parents. Authoritative families function as a team,
and differing needs are negotiated. This
results in less conflict and more balance than with other parenting
styles. In an authoritative family, the
children above may be able to negotiate a new bedtime or curfew.
Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style, with
both high structure and high responsiveness.
The parents are engaged and flexible, but they are still the
parents. Structure—rules, limits and
boundaries—is present, but not rigid.
Children who have authoritative parenting tend to do well
both socially and functionally. They
tend not to get into problem behaviors, and not to have serious emotional
problems. Authoritative parenting is a
balanced style, and it produces well-balanced children.
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